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Category Archives: Vigilant Wives Club

Confessions of a Wannabe Princess

I think I’ve been acting like a spoiled princess. You know, that girl who expects to be treated like royalty always. You probably haven’t noticed it because I only do it with my husband. And when he doesn’t come through, I get secretly angry and act all weird and I resolve to not say anything until I know how to say it lovingly but then he asks if I’m okay and I can’t lie so I end up telling him something like “I just need you to love me better” which probably sounds like “wah wah wah wah wah wah!” to him. Then I start crying and looking all ugly and I’m sure that is ever-so-becoming. But we sort of work it out and make up until next time my ever-present unrealistic expectations rear their ugly heads again (yes, heads, as in it is a multi-headed monster). Something bugs me about the way we interact, so I blame him for missing the mark. Then I try to talk to God about it but can’t get over my disappointment which starts to turn to anger before I get all turny-offy and grouchy. And so the cycle seems to go.

Well, today, I’ve decided to come out of the princess closet with it. I’ve decided to actually surrender my how-I-want-my-husband-to-love-me expectations to God Himself. I’ve decided to give up the frustration of not having all of those stupid little expectations that seem to have grown roots in my soul met. I am giving up on it for a couple of reasons.

Reason #1: God is the One Who gave me my husband in the first place. And He knows what I need. He always has. So when God gave me my man, He must have known he’d be the perfect fit for exactly what I needed in a husband. God knew that this particular man would meet every single real need I had in a husband. Therefore, when I surrender these expectations and decide to trust God with them, I can know for certain that either God will work in my man’s heart to meet them or He will refine me and my expectations to realize that they are only that — expectations — rather than needs. If what I am missing is a God-given desire then, without a doubt, God will make sure it is met. So He can be completely trusted with my every expectation.

Reason #2: My husband does treat me like a princess. I’ve just somehow come to expect more than he already does, and now I can feel myself slipping into this spoiled brat mode of throwing internal fits like the two year old at Gamestop whose brother put the game on the counter to pay for it. Huge fit, screaming and all. Sure, I can be more dignified, but my fits are just as dramatic in my mind, make no mistake.

Reason #3: I am called to serve.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others (i.e. your husband) above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

In your relationships with one another (your husband), have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! Philippians 2:3-8

Humbly. Expect what Jesus expected. Serve my husband with the love and grace that God Himself has given me. That means I serve him like I want him to serve me. Even if I don’t feel like he’s serving me the way I want him to. It’s unconditional. I vowed to love him and serve him the day I married him. So I’m committed to do it. No matter what.

I’m curious to know about you. Are you a closet princess expecter too? I’ve decided to trust God to take care of my marriage and letting my husband know each time I he doesn’t meet my expectations. Perhaps you would care to join me?

I’m not saying I won’t let him know when I feel like something in our marriage needs worked on. But I am trusting God to open the door to show me how and when to do it. Before I confront him or tell him again how I feel he’s missing the mark, I will literally hand it over to God in prayer and ask Him if and how to broach the subject. Then I will wait for His leading. Quite literally, I will wait. Because I know that if I am truly trusting God to do this, He will show me how. I believe He does not want me to be a nag. I believe God’s methods are much more effective.

And that is all I have to say about that.

Holy Above All

What if God designed marriage to make us holy rather than happy?  It’s a thought that, quite frankly, I fear the truth of.  In fact, several years ago, I started reading a book based on that exact premise and couldn’t get past the first chapter.  Because deep down in my heart of hearts I recognized it to be true.  Truth I was not ready to face.

Because I like to be happy.  I like to enjoy.  I have always believed that enjoying life is a huge part of real living.  The kind of living Jesus said He came to give.  Sure, there are times of struggle.  But, learning to deal and enjoy through them and getting to the other side of them, well — if I’m completely honest, that’s been the focus.  Trusting that God uses those times to make me holy and more like Him.  But I’ve established my hope in the prospect of suffering’s reprieve.  And I am learning this is my vice.

“Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.”  Jonah 2:8

It’s not just marriage, though that discussion is what started me on this thought journey.  I mean, if I’m gut-honest, the truth is that’s God’s design for most everything.  His purpose for our holiness.  And He will use anything — marriage, parenthood, friendships, jobs, sickness, brokenness, yes anything — to get us there. 

But today when I read the final chapter of Finding the Hero in Your Husband, by Dr. Julianna Slattery, I was forced to face the fear for real.  Because she ends the whole book on the thought that maybe, just maybe, ours won’t be the ideal marriage, but that does not mean that God has not called us to remain faithful and serve Him and our husbands wholly as He uses these relationships to make us holy and more like Him.  While I do believe that God has given me an amazing husband who I do not deserve, I don’t like the idea that God is more about my holiness than my comfort or my happiness.  Because holiness sounds great and all, but right now, I like comfortable and happy.

Of course the deep truth in that is the fact that true holiness, being like Jesus Christ and in true and constant fellowship with Him, is the only true kind of happiness.  But that takes some major trust and faith.

Yep.  Trust.  Faith.

Okay, I get it.

Lord God, help me to see like You do.  And to love You wholly so that I can be holy like You want.  And all about You, even more than my own comfort and happy.

Why Jesus Loves Me Matters to My Marriage

“True servants are selfless only after they realize the incredible value that God has given them and those around them.  They no longer have to justify their existence or prove their worth.  They are free to serve, knowing that God has already settled the matter.  An understanding and acceptance of self-esteem is essential to developing a healthy and intimate relationship.  Depending on others to determine my worth creates a dependency that saps the strength out of any intimate relationship.  In fact, it makes being vulnerable almost unbearable.  If I give my husband the role of determining how valuable I am, then he can potentially destroy me.  If I have accepted my worth based on my relationship with God, I can be vulnerable to sharing myself with my husband.  His rejection will hurt, but it does not threaten my emotional survival.  This allows me to serve my husband without depending on his reaction to validate my own worth.”      

Dr. Julianna Slattery in Finding the Hero in Your Husband

The truth is: the worth of a person comes from God alone, not from a husband or a wife.  God made each one of us in His very image.  He created, carefully and thoughtfully, every single strand of every single fiber of each one of our beings.  God Himself.  And THAT is what makes us valuable.  Worthy of respect.  You.  Me.

The truth is: God spoke our very worth in the Word, who He gave for every single one of us.  We are worth that much to Him.  The very life of His Son, Jesus Christ.

And so: we are free to serve without the weight of wondering if it’s enough to validate our worth.  And we’re free to love and accept love in our marriages because, while our husbands can certianly hurt our feelings, our emotional survival does not depend on their accepting or rejecting us.  And our husbands are free to love us without feeling the pressure of having to satisfy our every need, because some of those needs were never meant to be met by them.

“Jesus love me, this I know.  For the Bible tells me so.  Little ones to Him belong.  They are weak, but He is strong.  Yes, Jesus love me.  Yes, Jesus love me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  The Bible tells me so.” 

It’s Vigilant Wives Club Monday, where we focus on our serving our husbands and being the Godly wives that we are called to be.  Join the discussion here in the comments and let us know how God is using you in your marriage.

Because God Is Always Good

As a young woman who was searching for the man I would marry, I made myself a list.  I had a few very specific non-negotiables.  You know — things that I would not budge on.  The things that absolutely had to be true about the man I would marry.  Among them: he had to make me laugh, I had to be attracted to him (and he had to be a good kisser), he had to have nice hands (shallow, perhaps, but . . . ), he had to have Jesus Christ as the Lord of his life, and he had to have “just enough guy in him.”  In other words, he needed some attitude.  I needed to know that he wouldn’t just lay down and let me walk all over him.  I needed him to be strong about what was important.  Not everything, but just enough.  I found it very attractive for a man to lead.

Truth is, I still mostly like it when my husband’s “guy” attitude shows up.  (Just enough of it, mind you.  Not too much!)  Because I don’t want to be married to a wuss.  Because I want him to lead me.  Not plow me over.  Not let me plow him over.  Lead.  Because that is what God called him to do when he made him a husband. 

That’s what the Biblical submission of a wife is all about.  Letting God’s design rule in marriage.  Truthfully, I struggle to write about it.  Part of the role God gave us in how He wants us to relate to our husbands.  I struggle because it’s never easy all the time.  And for some it’s never easy period.  Because it’s not only hard to understand, but it’s hard to carry out.  Especially when a husband is not able to or will not lead.  It’s hard to live out and understand because sometimes wives needs to take over the leadership role for a period of time.  Because sometimes the husband is a tyrant and leads his wife in things that are not of God.  (I did write about that a little bit a few weeks ago.  And I believe strongly that God did not call a wife to lay down as a doormat.  I also believe that Biblical submission in no way involves harm to a wife or to her children.  I also believe that if a husband leads a wife in a way that is not “as is fitting in the Lord” (i.e. not something that fits with God’s ways) then it is not Biblical submission.  You can read more about that here.)

But, as much as I struggle to write about it, in a blog series about marriage, the topic of the Biblical submission of a wife is unavoidable.  Because it is a big part of what God calls us to do as wives.  I really like how the Message translation of the Bible says it.

“Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.”

Ephesians 5:22-24 (msg)

It’s part of our job as wives… to submit to our husbands like the church submits to Christ.  To let our husbands lead us and our families.

Trouble is, that’s sometimes scary.  Like when he makes a decision we don’t necessarily love or even like.

But you know what I think?  I think it’s sometimes scary to do things the way God designed.  Like trusting Him even when we pray for something and don’t get what we prayed for.  And like sharing the truth about Jesus Christ and what He’s all about with someone who might make fun of us. 

And so I have a challenge for each of us.  Because God’s design for life and how to live it is always the best.  He always has the best in mind.  Only His glory.  He is good.  And everything He does is good.  Always.  (Psalm 119:68)  His ways are very different from ours.  But always, always perfect.

And so, living as a wife the way God designed — submitting to our husbands as is fitting to the Lord — requires trusting Him for Who He is.  Believing that He will not ever let us down.  Even when things don’t go the way we think they should.  It requires surrender.  To God and His ways.  Even when our husbands don’t get that decision right.  We have to trust that God had our best in mind when He called us to it.

And so I present a challenge to you.  To myself too. . .

What if we took what God says about submitting to our husbands as direction and guidance for the kind of life He wants us to have?  The promised, eternal kind that Jesus came to give us.  Look at what Romans has to say about God’s amazing-ness and what we should do about it.

 “Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It’s way over our heads. We’ll never figure it out.

   Is there anyone around who can explain God?
   Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do?
   Anyone who has done him such a huge favor
      that God has to ask his advice?

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”

Romans 11:33-35; 12:1-2 (msg)

What would happen if we started a movement in our homes by “tak(ing) (our) everyday ordinary li(ves)” as wives “and plac(ing) (them) before God as . . . offering(s)”?  What if we made a commitment in our homes to trust God in such a way that we encourage our husbands in their decision-making role instead of second-guessing or even demeaning him for possibly making the wrong one?  What if we chose to pray for his wisdom and trust God to give it to him (whether through our words or some other way) without using our manipulative or control-freaky wiles?

I like to think we just might start a marriage revolution.  I say we go for it.

You in?

**It’s Vigilant Wives Club day, so why not blog about something you’re doing to strengthen your marriage?  Then leave a link in the comments so we can all read your thoughts too.

Switching Cycles

“Within the context of intimacy, women need to be valued and protected, while men need to be respected and connected.”  ~Dr. Julianna Slattery in Finding the Hero in Your Husband

Before I got married, I believed that marriage was a kind of end-all-be-all of life.  Then I got engaged.  And I realized that, once I became a wife, I would still have a life.  It would just be life with a husband rather than life on my own.  And the new me — the one where I was a wife — would now have a choice to make everyday for the rest of our lives together.  The choice live within that context of intimacy referred to at the top of this post.  Or the one where I help perpetuate the cycle of self-protection, which is the exact opposite of God’s design for intimacy.  The cycle in which I seek to preserve my own value rather than looking to God for my value and, consequently, imparting to my husband his God-given value as well.

So today I ask — which cycle are you perpetuating?  The one where you feed off of the perception that your husband does not value you, and you in turn undermine and humilate him which then leads to him seeing you as unlovely and you see him as incompetent. 

Or are you working towards deeper intimacy in your marriage?  Not just physical intimacy, but the kind where you respect and complete him.  The kind of intimacy where you seek out his needs and figure out how to communicate that respect to him.  Where you figure out how to let him know that you trust him and believe in him.

It’s not easy.  Especially when he might be leading your home in the self-protection cycle that makes you want to curl up and make him pay for devaluing you.

But what if  you committed this week to stop the cycle and seek out his language and use it to speak value into his life and respect and honor and love?  What if you found your worth in who God says you are so that when you feel devalued by your husband you have the wherewithall to switch cycles?

I believe that if each one of us committed to this kind of respect and honor in our homes, at least on our parts, we would soon learn that intimacy is so much better than own self-protection.  I believe our husbands would have to sit up and take notice.  I believe they would be drawn to us in ways that maybe they have never before been drawn.

Wanna’ try it out?  Let me know what you think….  Leave me a comment here — I would love to hear your thoughts.  And feel free to leave a link too if you’d like to join in the Vigilant Wives Club challenge. 

 

Umbrellas and Four Letter Words.

I live under an umbrella.  It has a name : God’s way for my life.  I don’t know exactly what it looks like, but I like to think it’s got a bunch of big pink and yellow and orange polka-dots all over.  It’s really super big, this umbrella so it can keep me from ruining my clothes, the ones I got when I surrendered my life to God and His ways.  But sometimes I forget about it and start to think I don’t really need it anymore.  So I venture outside of its protection.  Where the wind and rain and hail and sleet pelt anyone and anything that dares take it on.

That’s when I come crawling back.  Back under the umbrella of God’s way for my life. 

You might be wondering how I walk with this perpetual umbrella constantly overhead.  The truth is, this kind of walking has pretty much nothing to do with my feet or my legs.  It’s a walk of the spirit.  The kind that can only be done by learning what God says.  By studying His Word and interacting with it.  By talking with Him about how to do it.  Constantly.  It’s called fellowship.  Intimate contact with the Lord of my life.

So when God tells me how to something, if I want to stay under the protection of the umbrella, I need to do it how He says.  Makes sense, right? 

And when it comes to being a wife, as someone who has asked the God of Life to be the Ruler of mine, that umbrella leads me to submit to my husband as the leader of our home.

It’s not an easy word.  The #1 definition at Dictionary.com is “to give over or yield to the power or authority of another (often used reflexively).”  There’s a subtle difference there that, in my opinion, makes all the difference.  Submitting involves a choice that I make.  The choice to yield to my husband the authority that I would otherwise have in my home.  Because that how God designed it.  For the husband to ultimately be in charge.  And, as I practice submission, I am learning to be more like Jesus Christ.  In her book, Finding the Hero in Your Husband, Dr. Julianna Slattery writes, “Submission requires that I become the best that I can be, and use that strength to develop my trust in God rather than trying to get my way.  This is how God can teach me to become more like Christ (p 59).”

What Submission is Not

In all honesty, I am kind of afraid of this topic.  I’ve kind of avoided it as if it were a four-letter word.  That’s why I’ve never really discussed it here for the past 30 or so Mondays.  Because there is a whole lot of misunderstanding about it.  Because there are lots of men (and women), I think, who believe submission is just another word for obedience.  And that gets scary.  Because men are human.  Thus sinful.  And certainly not the end all be all of our existence as wives.  However, under the umbrella of God’s way, I am called to submit, to choose to yield my authority, to my husband. 

That does not mean that if my husband gets me drunk and then tells me to drive my kids to their gandma’s house, I am called to obey.  Certainly not.  Hopefully, that’s obvious.  Because that kind of false submission leads away from the overarching umbrella of God’s way.  About this, Dr. Slattery writes, “It is not a husband’s authority that ultimately rules, but God’s.”  She also says, “Submission is not absolute.” 

Ephesians 5:22 tells us to “submit to  your husbands as to the Lord.”  And Colossians 3:18 says, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”  In other words, we are called to submit in a way that fits submitting to God Himself.  In a way that brings glory to God.  And I think we would all agree that “submitting” to physical abuse or breaking the law would not constitute submitting in a way that “is fitting in the Lord.”

Neither does submission entail the husband making every single decision.  Every single time.  I believe God designed marriage for the strengthening of two people, whom He created, in order to bring Himself glory.  Kind of like a team.  Only, as Dr. Slattery says, the husband has a 51% majority vote.  Because if nobody were in charge, there would be chaos.  Somebody’s gotta do it.  And, as God would have, it, that role belongs to the husband.  (Which, if you think about it, is rather brilliant, given the fact that they often don’t have the perpetual multitasking going on inside that we women are so handily skilled at.  They can tune things out like most women cannot.  I realize I am stereotyping a bit, but that definitely rings true in my home.)

I realize this is brief.  And there are many, many more facets involved in the whole topic of submission as it relates to husbands and wives.  That’s why I’d like to open up the discussion here in the comments.  Tell me what you think.  Let’s try to move each othere to a better understanding of the biblical submission that we are called to as wives.  And I will really look forward to it.

**Do you have a post you’d like to share here about being a vigilant wife?  I hope so! Just leave a link in the comments so we can all read and be encouraged by what God’s doing in you as a wife, and consequently in your marriage.

Unexpected Expectations

I was never one of those girls who dreamed of her wedding day all of her life.  I mean, I dreamed of being married, but the wedding day in my mind didn’t really make the radar screen.  I don’t think I was like a lot of little girls who dream of big fantasy, fairytale weddings where millions of dollars are spent on ensuring her perfect day.  The kind of dreams on which bridezillas are built.

But . . .

Those dreams of being married translated into some pretty fierce expectations for the life after the wedding.  I’m thinking wifezilla pretty much sums it up.

Thing is, I didn’t expect to have so many expectations.

Like passion every night.  And doing the dishes together, every night, while chatting about our days.  Like never letting our children get the best of us, but working through everything. together. every time. always.  Like never, ever keeping secrets.  Only ever complete transparency, which meant telling each other every detail of every part of every day.

Needless to say, it didn’t take long for my wifezilla expectations to come face-to-face with the big huge pill called reality.

Thankfully, my husband has always been an amazingly understanding, Spirit-controlled man who does not get easily angered.  But there was one evening when he’d had enough.  He looked at me in my hope-dashed state as I dealt with the reality that he was going to watch football instead of joining me in the other room while I rocked the baby (or something like that), and he just simply said, “Don’t you ever just let anything go?”

That night was a turning point in our marriage, I believe.  It cut me to the core in an Extreme Makeover kind of way.  Extreme Makeover : Wifezilla Edition.  And it forced me to think through all of the expectations I had for our marriage.  Actually, for my husband.  All that I expected from him.

And I realized that the list was long.  R-e-a-l-l-y, s-u-p-e-r  l-o-o-o-o-o-n-g.

We were just talking about that recently.  Strangely, I had never realized the makeover that God started that night almost nine years ago.  Amazingly, He’s still rebuilding.  (Yes, it’s that extreme!)  My husband brought it up, actually, and told me how thankful he was for the different woman I’d become.  The kind of woman that can let go of some of her expectations and filter them first through the Word of God and His expectations and then through the marriage that is ours.  Not mine.  But mine and my husband’s marriage.

I still dream of an awesome marriage.  I still have super high hopes.  But they look different now.  They’re more our expectations.  Less mine. 

And I am so much happier for it.

How about you?  How have you dealt with unrealistic expectations in your own marriage?  Are you letting God and your husband help define those expectations? 

**It’s Vigilant Wives Club Monday!  And I’m starting something new . . . going through the book by Dr. Julianna Slattery called Finding the Hero in Your Husband.  You can find the schedule here if  you’d like to read along.  OR you can link up through the comments here and join in the discussion.  OR maybe you’d like to write about something you’re learning in your own marriage and link up right here in the comments.  You can do so by leaving your link in the comments.  (No linkytool today — let’s see how that works.)  Either way, I hope and pray that you are encouraged today in your marriage.

**By the way — did you hear the news?!?!  I’m moving.  To here.  See you there!!

Wisdom Building

It happens more than I’d like to admit.  Everything will be going along just fine.  And then it hits.  It’s usually something relatively inconsequential like choosing the wrong color socks.  This morning, it was about the clean pants she put in with the dirty laundry.  She’d only worn them for about an hour, and I was trying to make a point.  But Monday morning before school is not the time for point-making.  So in the midst of trying to make a point, we lost the peace of the pre-leaving-for-school hour.  And I lost an opportunity to fortify the home that I am so diligently working to build.

EVERY WISE woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.
 
Proverbs 14:1 (Amplified Bible)
Funny thing about wisdom is that it’s not really wisdom if it’s not used.  I can know what I need to do, but if I don’t do it, I am unwise.  Like the little nudge inside that I ignored.  The one that reminded me of what’s really important this morning.
That truth sobers me in light of the idea of building my house.

If I want my house to be strong, I will build it with wisdom.  Not brute strength.  But God-strength.  The kind of strength that is founded on the fear of the LORD.

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” (Proverbs 9:10)
I can know how to serve my husband and love my children and nurture their souls, but if I don’t do it, I am just like the foolish woman who tears down her home with her very own hands.
And wisdom is kind of tricky.  I mean, I do need to teach my daughter to put only what is dirty into the dirty laundry pile.  But, in all honesty, we’ve never even discussed that.  So why would I choose Monday morning before school to introduce it?  Wisdom knows the truth and seeks the right time to make it known.
Not just with my children, but my relationship with my husband desperately needs this kind of wisdom too.  The kind that builds instead of tearing down.  Not just with words, but with appropriate silence.  With prayer.  This kind of wisdom knows that the wise woman who builds her house has tremendous power to influence her home.  The wise woman realizes that she sets the climate for her home, whether she likes it or not.  And not only that, but she proactively sets the climate for warmth.  By fearing the LORD above all else.  By asking for wisdom from her very generous God.
So today I am asking Him for wisdom.  The kind of wisdom that only He can give.  The kind of wisdom that will build my home.
So — I have a question for you — what does wisdom look like in your home?  Leave a comment…I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

***It’s another week of Vigilant Wives Club. Here’s what’s going on if you’d like to keep up.  If you’d like to link up, please do so by adding your permalink to the linky tools thing here at the bottom of this post.  Or feel free to just paste your link in the comments section.

New Adventures

Tomorrow begins a new adventure for me and for my marriage.

It involves a weekly commitment, several other women who want to seek God as the center of their marriages, and a book called Finding the Hero in Your Husband by Dr. Julianna Slattery.  I read it a few years ago, and now I am honored to pair up with one of my friends and lead a group through it. 

I was wondering if you’d like to join in?  My group will meet physically every Tuesday morning, but I was thinking how awesome it would be to meet here cyber-ly (did I just make up a new word?!?!) every Monday during the Vigilant Wives Club.  My plan is to talk about some of the issues that the book brings up each week and then get your thoughts, much like an actual small group.  I am growing a passion to encourage you in your marriage.  As a wife and as a Godly woman.  You don’t have to have a book to join in, but if you want one, you can order it here.  I know you would greatly benefit from reading it. 

The book helps us as women to realize the incredible influence we have on our husbands and to learn to use that influence in a way that encourages our husbands’ (sometimes hidden) hero-ness.  It helps us understand how to use that influence as Godly women in a way that promotes intimacy in our marriage rather than dissension through manipulation.  I don’t know about you, but I do know that I have had times in my marriage when I have really struggled with letting my husband lead our family.  Spiritually as well as in other areas.  So I am very excited to learn how to encourage him to be my hero, the one that God intended for him to be, even as I seek God’s purpose for me as a wife.

So next Monday, October 4, I would like to start working through the idea of what it means to be a wise woman who builds her house.  (Proverbs 14:1)

But for now, I’d just like to introduce the idea of it and get your thoughts.  Wanna’ join in?  I would LOVE to journey with you through this.  And I would be honored if you’d come along.

Here’s what I was thinking…

  • Each Monday, I’ll post some thoughts about the book (here’s a schedule, if you want to know some of the specific dates and what we’ll be discussing).
  • I will also ask some questions for discussion.  You can join in the discussion by posting your comments at the bottom of the post.  Feel free to comment on each others’ comments as well as the post.  Or you can post a link to your own blog and discuss it more in depth if you want to.
  • If you want to link up a post about how you’re encouraging your man and being vigilant as a wife, you can use the Linky Tool thing at the bottom of the post.  **If you’ve never done that before, now is a great time to start, so we can get to know each other better and truly encourage each other in this mission we’re on as wives.  Here’s how . . .  After you’ve published your post, you will click on the title of your post.  This will give you the permalink for that particular post.  You will then copy that link from your browser and paste it into the little linky tool thing here at this post.  Also, please be courteous and refer back to this blog.  OR you can simply post your link in the comments.

So that’s the deal.  What do you think?  I hope you’re excited like I am.  I think we can watch God work a revolution in the state of Christian marriage if we each commit to serving our husbands intentionally and to encouraging with the power that we have as women who truly seek His ways for us as wives. 

See you next week . . .

What I Want For My Marriage

When I got married, I had dreams of life as a wife.  You probably had dreams of your own.  Here’s what some of mine looked like :

-Happy mornings waking up next to the love of my life, cuddling in the pre-dawn before sending each other off into the day ahead. 

-Nightly passion that would roll into the wee hours, neither one of us caring about the early-morning meeting we’d have to get up for.  That’s how enamored we would be with each other.

-Playing football together every Saturday and Sunday afternoon with our five boys before heading inside for chili and cornbread. (It was always autumn in this part of the dream.) The fact that I have two girls and zero boys is nothing short of proof that God absouletly knows best and proves Himself always perfect and full of mercy in that divine plan of His. 

As you probably know, it did not take long before I realized that some dreams are actually fantasy and simply can not come to fruition.  Particularly when it comes to marrying two different people with two different sets of lifelong dreams and ultimately surrendering them to Almighty God to mold those dreams and make them His own.

So for the last 14 years, God has been molding our hearts together and making us one through and through.

Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh. 
~Genesis 2:24~

He’s also been molding our dreams. And, I am finding that some of those dreams I had as a new bride have changed a bit as we become the one flesh that makes our marriage what God intended.  The one He has purposed for both my husband and for me.

And now my marriage dreams look a little different :

-You already know the one about getting old together, holding hands on our porch swing, drinking lemonade while talking and laughing about the adorable things our grandchildren say.

-But what I really want for my marriage is to show Jesus to people by the way we love each other.  I want it to be a marriage that exemplifies the lavish grace of God.  Through the forgiveness and grace we extend to each other and our children as well as our neighbors, our friends, our parents, our siblings, even strangers.

That’s why I come here every Monday and renew my vigilant commitment to my marriage. Because I want my whole life, including my marriage, to help make God famous.

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What are some of the things you want for your marriage?