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Confessions of a Wannabe Princess

I think I’ve been acting like a spoiled princess. You know, that girl who expects to be treated like royalty always. You probably haven’t noticed it because I only do it with my husband. And when he doesn’t come through, I get secretly angry and act all weird and I resolve to not say anything until I know how to say it lovingly but then he asks if I’m okay and I can’t lie so I end up telling him something like “I just need you to love me better” which probably sounds like “wah wah wah wah wah wah!” to him. Then I start crying and looking all ugly and I’m sure that is ever-so-becoming. But we sort of work it out and make up until next time my ever-present unrealistic expectations rear their ugly heads again (yes, heads, as in it is a multi-headed monster). Something bugs me about the way we interact, so I blame him for missing the mark. Then I try to talk to God about it but can’t get over my disappointment which starts to turn to anger before I get all turny-offy and grouchy. And so the cycle seems to go.

Well, today, I’ve decided to come out of the princess closet with it. I’ve decided to actually surrender my how-I-want-my-husband-to-love-me expectations to God Himself. I’ve decided to give up the frustration of not having all of those stupid little expectations that seem to have grown roots in my soul met. I am giving up on it for a couple of reasons.

Reason #1: God is the One Who gave me my husband in the first place. And He knows what I need. He always has. So when God gave me my man, He must have known he’d be the perfect fit for exactly what I needed in a husband. God knew that this particular man would meet every single real need I had in a husband. Therefore, when I surrender these expectations and decide to trust God with them, I can know for certain that either God will work in my man’s heart to meet them or He will refine me and my expectations to realize that they are only that — expectations — rather than needs. If what I am missing is a God-given desire then, without a doubt, God will make sure it is met. So He can be completely trusted with my every expectation.

Reason #2: My husband does treat me like a princess. I’ve just somehow come to expect more than he already does, and now I can feel myself slipping into this spoiled brat mode of throwing internal fits like the two year old at Gamestop whose brother put the game on the counter to pay for it. Huge fit, screaming and all. Sure, I can be more dignified, but my fits are just as dramatic in my mind, make no mistake.

Reason #3: I am called to serve.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others (i.e. your husband) above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

In your relationships with one another (your husband), have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! Philippians 2:3-8

Humbly. Expect what Jesus expected. Serve my husband with the love and grace that God Himself has given me. That means I serve him like I want him to serve me. Even if I don’t feel like he’s serving me the way I want him to. It’s unconditional. I vowed to love him and serve him the day I married him. So I’m committed to do it. No matter what.

I’m curious to know about you. Are you a closet princess expecter too? I’ve decided to trust God to take care of my marriage and letting my husband know each time I he doesn’t meet my expectations. Perhaps you would care to join me?

I’m not saying I won’t let him know when I feel like something in our marriage needs worked on. But I am trusting God to open the door to show me how and when to do it. Before I confront him or tell him again how I feel he’s missing the mark, I will literally hand it over to God in prayer and ask Him if and how to broach the subject. Then I will wait for His leading. Quite literally, I will wait. Because I know that if I am truly trusting God to do this, He will show me how. I believe He does not want me to be a nag. I believe God’s methods are much more effective.

And that is all I have to say about that.

6 Thoughts on “Confessions of a Wannabe Princess

  1. This is one of the most difficult things for us wives I think, at least that is my experience in this matter!! Expectations! We all have a little princess in us and sometimes it just feels SO good be one!! I think we all expect our husbands to meet all our needs, to a certain extent, but once I realized I will always be let down in waiting for that and learning that waiting for the Lord in prayer, to let me know WHEN to share with my hubby is the way to go! Because as I wait the Lord is preparing my hubby’s heart to receive what I have to share with him. It is amazing how that works!! And at the same time I hear the Lord saying to me to look to Him, He is the ONLY one who will NEVER let me down.. Thank you Lord! And thank you Bria for sharing with us in all honesty!!

    Love ya,
    Mom

  2. Awesome Bria! Once again you write something I really needed to be reminded of. Thank you for your amazing words!

  3. Cheri Novak on February 20, 2012 at 8:13 pm said:

    Love you and I love this post. Thanks, Bria!

    Cheri

  4. Well, first, let me say that again- good stuff! These were some of our wedding verses- Phil. 2:3-4,etc. One thing I have learned in almost 16 years of marriage (I learned this in about year 8) is that when I am bugged by something in my marriage- like something I feel I am owed, or whatever usually selfish thing it might be… I pray first. Almost every single time 1 of 3 things happens: God changes me and I’m no longer bugged, 2. God puts it on my husband’s heart and he brings it to me, 3. It stops bugging me completely. God is good that way! Thanks for being so open and honest with us!
    Love you, friend.

  5. Wow, just amazing and insightful like each God-led post. You have heard my princess speak and she was in need of your focus toward God. Thank you so much 🙂

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