I dove into last Tuesday morning with a plan. I would think through my blogging. Take three hours the day my kids started school and fill in my Blog Planning Kit with the purposes I’ve been asking God to clarify for me.
But God had different plans. Same purpose. Different methods.
He wanted to remind me that small steps lead to huge purpose when it comes to His ways.
So I followed Him to the hospital where my grandpa-in-law would spend his last few days. He showed me through the Emergency Room and then up to Floor Two. Then down to Floor One. Then to the big, beautiful room reserved for Hospice and goodbyeing.
I followed God later to my grandma-in-law’s side. To my father- and mother-in-laws’ embrace. To my husband’s hand.
He showed me what love looks like for a couple married more than 70 years. The faithful hand stroking. The grieving concern.
The pain of life’s end.
I am certain it was God’s grace alone that led me into that family. To know and love a grandpa who was not mine by blood. To play a relative’s role in the lives now mine by virtue of marriage.
Because I don’t know what to say and I talk when I’m nervous and I often ruin quiet moments with stupid things like, “Do you want some coffee?” and “Where’s the bathroom?”
And I know all I can do is just offer my presence, but it feels so small in the midst of this great big moment. The one that takes two days to sum up a 91-year-old man’s life, a 70 year marriage, a legacy of life and love and Navy stories and hand-carved walking sticks.
Even though I know it, my mouth won’t let it be and I talk when I shouldn’t and I say more stupid stuff.
And still they want me there.
And I am humbled because we all know I don’t deserve the honor.
Truth is, I don’t deserve this family God has blessed me with in my in-laws. Or the love we share even when nobody’s saying a word.
It’s all grace, Ann Voskamp is teaching me to say. Every last ounce of everything I have is grace straight from God’s hand.
God’s undeserved gift in the form of a family with whom I share no genes. A family by whom I am amazingly loved.
p.s. I’m an affiliate for The Blog Planning Kit, so if you click on that link and decide you want to buy it, I’ll get to go to Starbucks.