Because God Is Always Good

As a young woman who was searching for the man I would marry, I made myself a list.  I had a few very specific non-negotiables.  You know — things that I would not budge on.  The things that absolutely had to be true about the man I would marry.  Among them: he had to make me laugh, I had to be attracted to him (and he had to be a good kisser), he had to have nice hands (shallow, perhaps, but . . . ), he had to have Jesus Christ as the Lord of his life, and he had to have “just enough guy in him.”  In other words, he needed some attitude.  I needed to know that he wouldn’t just lay down and let me walk all over him.  I needed him to be strong about what was important.  Not everything, but just enough.  I found it very attractive for a man to lead.

Truth is, I still mostly like it when my husband’s “guy” attitude shows up.  (Just enough of it, mind you.  Not too much!)  Because I don’t want to be married to a wuss.  Because I want him to lead me.  Not plow me over.  Not let me plow him over.  Lead.  Because that is what God called him to do when he made him a husband. 

That’s what the Biblical submission of a wife is all about.  Letting God’s design rule in marriage.  Truthfully, I struggle to write about it.  Part of the role God gave us in how He wants us to relate to our husbands.  I struggle because it’s never easy all the time.  And for some it’s never easy period.  Because it’s not only hard to understand, but it’s hard to carry out.  Especially when a husband is not able to or will not lead.  It’s hard to live out and understand because sometimes wives needs to take over the leadership role for a period of time.  Because sometimes the husband is a tyrant and leads his wife in things that are not of God.  (I did write about that a little bit a few weeks ago.  And I believe strongly that God did not call a wife to lay down as a doormat.  I also believe that Biblical submission in no way involves harm to a wife or to her children.  I also believe that if a husband leads a wife in a way that is not “as is fitting in the Lord” (i.e. not something that fits with God’s ways) then it is not Biblical submission.  You can read more about that here.)

But, as much as I struggle to write about it, in a blog series about marriage, the topic of the Biblical submission of a wife is unavoidable.  Because it is a big part of what God calls us to do as wives.  I really like how the Message translation of the Bible says it.

It’s part of our job as wives… to submit to our husbands like the church submits to Christ.  To let our husbands lead us and our families.

Trouble is, that’s sometimes scary.  Like when he makes a decision we don’t necessarily love or even like.

But you know what I think?  I think it’s sometimes scary to do things the way God designed.  Like trusting Him even when we pray for something and don’t get what we prayed for.  And like sharing the truth about Jesus Christ and what He’s all about with someone who might make fun of us. 

And so I have a challenge for each of us.  Because God’s design for life and how to live it is always the best.  He always has the best in mind.  Only His glory.  He is good.  And everything He does is good.  Always.  (Psalm 119:68)  His ways are very different from ours.  But always, always perfect.

And so, living as a wife the way God designed — submitting to our husbands as is fitting to the Lord — requires trusting Him for Who He is.  Believing that He will not ever let us down.  Even when things don’t go the way we think they should.  It requires surrender.  To God and His ways.  Even when our husbands don’t get that decision right.  We have to trust that God had our best in mind when He called us to it.

And so I present a challenge to you.  To myself too. . .

What if we took what God says about submitting to our husbands as direction and guidance for the kind of life He wants us to have?  The promised, eternal kind that Jesus came to give us.  Look at what Romans has to say about God’s amazing-ness and what we should do about it.

What would happen if we started a movement in our homes by “tak(ing) (our) everyday ordinary li(ves)” as wives “and plac(ing) (them) before God as . . . offering(s)”?  What if we made a commitment in our homes to trust God in such a way that we encourage our husbands in their decision-making role instead of second-guessing or even demeaning him for possibly making the wrong one?  What if we chose to pray for his wisdom and trust God to give it to him (whether through our words or some other way) without using our manipulative or control-freaky wiles?

I like to think we just might start a marriage revolution.  I say we go for it.

You in?

**It’s Vigilant Wives Club day, so why not blog about something you’re doing to strengthen your marriage?  Then leave a link in the comments so we can all read your thoughts too.