When I Don’t Know What to Write

I sit down to write and struggle to land on a topic. I want to write about last night’s meeting at the school and the way God totally hooked me up with a translator so that I could understand at least the main points of what I need to know as my kids enter school in September.

I want to tell you about the things I’m learning about all-out-letting-go-trusting God with not just the pace of this whole year but with the everything of my life, trusting that He’s got the best of the best kind of life for me just waiting, if only I will let go of my pretend-control and the fear that often accompanies it.

I want to tell you about Legoland Deutschland and the total blast we had celebrating my kids’ courage for last week’s school trial.

I want to tell you about the pretzel bread I finally tried, the kind with the sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds all over the outside, which I adored.

I’d like to tell you about the grocery-store lady who is starting to recognize me and my silly American quirks, like how I put my debit card in upside down. Every. single. time. without. fail. And how she has to tell me when to swipe it. Every. single. time. without. fail.

And then there’s the every-once-in-a-while lonely that lurks just outside my heart some days. Especially when I see pictures of friends doing normal summertime things and think about how I’m not doing normal summertime things. It’s crazy, I know, because, really, who wants normal, right? Only — to be quite honest, well, sometimes, I do.

I really want to tell you about our landlords/neighbors who have had us over for “grillen und trinken” twice. How amazing it is to laugh and enjoy each others’ company even with the incredibly limited common vocabulary we share.

I want to write about how we only five weeks left before we make our first trip home, and I’m so excited and scared to do it. Excited to hug and see and physically talk to in person the people I love. Scared I might not want to come back.

Truly, I can’t land on a topic. So for now, I will just write that somehow in the midst of all the difficult and the fun and the lonely and the beautiful, I am starting to really like it here.